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Most people who consume alcohol know that too much can bring on symptoms like vomiting, headache and memory loss. However, there are many other side effects that come with knocking back one too many venomous concoctions. Luckily we have just the prescription to your drunken diagnosis.

Drunken Diagnosis A

The Diagnosis: Drunk Dialing (also known as tipsy texting)

The Symptoms: The sudden urge to call your ex and yell at them for no apparent   reason, the overwhelming feeling of obsession with your phone, an OCD effect causing you to call the same number 33 times in one night.

 

Treatment: If you have an iPhone, drunk dialing prevention is as easy as downloading an app. Apple has come out with an application called the ‘Bad Decision Blocker’ which allows its patients to block themselves from calling certain numbers within specific time frames (i.e. Your ex-ex-ex boyfriend between 11:00pm and 6:00am). If you do not have an iPhone, you can always try friend therapy by asking a good buddy to keep an eye on you and your phone during a wild night out.

Drunken Diagnosis B

 
The Diagnosis: Beer Goggles


 

The Symptoms: A sudden sexual attraction to someone who you would not be lured to while sober, distorted vision that makes everyone look like Megan Fox or Brad Pitt, an inability to distinguish genuine attractiveness from horniness.

 

Treatment: Friend therapy is a suffice treatment for beer goggles as long as your friend is assertive and knows your sober taste in men and women. Always remember that beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

 
Drunken Diagnosis C

The Diagnosis: Overexaggerationism


 

The Symptoms:  An astonishing talent that forces you to tell unbelievably entertaining stories at the drop of a hat, the ability to embellish your life to make your trip to T & T this past weekend seem like an exotic adventure to the edges of Asia.

 

Treatment: The best thing to do is to try to stay grounded by taking deep breaths and trying to process what you are going to say in your head, before you say it out loud. Also, if you do succumb to overexaggerationism make sure that there is no one near by to question your stories (especially around hot girls).

 
Drunken Diagnosis D

The Diagnosis: The Drunk Munchies


 

The Symptoms: A profound craving for deep fried food in the wee hours of the morning, a complete disregard to your new found diet, sudden flashes of a clown and a large purple thing appearing in your mind.

 

Treatment: Be prepared. If you know that you are vulnerable to such an ailment, research your favorite midnight munchie places while you are sober. Check out the fat content, calories etc., so when you go to order after a rough night out at 2:00am you can at least get something that isn’t going to burst your cute new belt.