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On 7/5/2008 12:37:55 AM, trash wrote:
she says that she had not been initially attracted to anyone she had gone out with previous to this guy
so we are not talking about just dinner dates, we are talking about people she would have called boyfriends. every single one she had gone out with previous to this guy she had not been initially attracted to.
if you are not attracted to them externally or internally, why make each of themm your your boyfriend?
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I cant speak of BW, because i am not sure of what exactly she means by this one post she made. And the 10 reasons i stated. as said, would by my top 10 possible versions of a story.
But from what i read, i can guess only that dating someone means even going out for dinner or going out for drinks on a row for 3 or 4 times, trying to figure out if you match with that person.
And still, kissing someone or even having sex with him, doesnt mean necessarily that he/she is someone you would like to call boyfriend or girlfriend.
People can date for even few weeks, and then realise its not what they like and just drop the case.
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Posted: 7/5/2008 1:21:57 AM
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Some people are afraid to let things go because of the need for control, some people because they've lost too many things in their life already, some people because they are emotional pack rats... It's very individual, but definitely not mutually exclusive.
A friend of mine once told me that he was seeing a girl who absolutely loved him, he went for sex from her but had no emotion during the intercourse. He claimed he wasn't really physically attracted to her but would continually go back for an "easy" lay. He would never date the woman (dinner, dancing, etc), only see her for sex.
The strange thing was he told me after she was gone he would think of her and get quite aroused, following which he would masturbate. This would contradict the fact that he was not attracted to her to begin with and had no desire to be with her on an emotional or meaningful basis. This need for escape is fascinating to me, and is not unlike the desire one has when visiting a prostitute. Men have been known to fall in love quite frequently with prostitutes, but are they falling in love with the prostitute or the feeling that coincides the short duration of the visit? When asked, one 54 year old "happily married" man stated...
"When I'm with them, it's almost like the equivalent of having a massage - physically and mentally. There's no pressure. It doesn't matter if she's had a bad day or I've had a bad day, either. Sex is guaranteed to happen with no emotional struggle and bullsh*t game-playing. If I'm tired, I know that I can still be satisfied without having to worry about what it is she needs. That doesn't come into it at all. Yes, it's selfish. But I'm paying to have a service provided. It's my time."
You see, the main interest in the statement is himself. He doesn't want to have to think about what she needs or wants... It's his money his time. Conclusively it's all about a person's blatant self regard, and it's that aspect of this "relationship" that they are falling in love with.
A lot of mistresses stay in affairs as long as the return satisfies whatever needs are being met at the moment (money, apartment, clothes, etc), and in fact I actually know a number of women like this. The only problem with this is until the mistress begins to feel that there are unfulfilled needs (beyond money) and/or desires that they would prefer something meaningful out of the relationship, in which case it becomes a catch 22 for the first party as this is what they were escaping from to begin with.
People really do have their own agenda in mind.
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Posted: 7/5/2008 11:28:36 AM
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intricate
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On 7/5/2008 12:37:55 AM, trash wrote:
she says that she had not been initially attracted to anyone she had gone out with previous to this guy
so we are not talking about just dinner dates, we are talking about people she would have called boyfriends. every single one she had gone out with previous to this guy she had not been initially attracted to.
if you are not attracted to them externally or internally, why make each of themm your your boyfriend?
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I would think in this case that, it's a matter of not initially being attracted to them. So maybe she wasn't even going out with them at first as they INITIALLY were not someone she was remotely attracted to, but then as time went on she became more attracted to them?? Hence going out with them.
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Posted: 7/5/2008 12:24:14 PM
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never read any Adler huh? Adler argued that the power dynamic between men and women was key in understanding human behavior.
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Posted: 7/5/2008 3:32:08 PM
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intricate
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On 7/5/2008 3:32:08 PM, tourist trap wrote:
never read any Adler huh? Adler argued that the power dynamic between men and women was key in understanding human behavior.
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the power dynamic between men and women is horribly screwed up
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Posted: 7/5/2008 4:03:21 PM
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On 7/5/2008 4:03:21 PM, intricate wrote:
the power dynamic between men and women is horribly screwed up
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Screwed up? Yes.
Inevitable? Yes.
Unnecessary? Yes.
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Posted: 7/5/2008 4:23:15 PM
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jessicarab...
Vancouver
When in doubt..PARTY
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On 7/5/2008 4:03:21 PM, intricate wrote:
the power dynamic between men and women is horribly screwed up
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Sooo often true. I think my problem is that I don't present enough of a challenge 'cause I'm too easy going in my relationships with men and they lose interest. I'm not into the power thing, which is surprising for someone like me.
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Posted: 7/5/2008 4:51:01 PM
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On 7/5/2008 4:02:08 PM, intricate wrote:
no, it's true, i'm not power hungry. I am good at blowing everything up in my life periodically though, trust me. Is there a cool sounding label for that?
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Self Renewing.....
Deconstruction always leads to reconstruction... or reinvention.
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Posted: 7/5/2008 6:29:05 PM
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intricate
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On 7/5/2008 4:23:15 PM, tourist trap wrote:
Screwed up? Yes.
Inevitable? Yes.
Unnecessary? Yes.
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I agree with you whole heartedly on all points. Well except for maybe inevitable... I think both sides could choose to call a truce. I often have thought it was possible to call a cease fire. It would take a truck load of willingness and honesty though. It seems neither side wants it bad enough to date.
sad....
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Posted: 7/5/2008 6:34:26 PM
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intricate
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On 7/5/2008 4:48:11 PM, jessicarabbit- wrote:
I always thought that doing demolition work would be fun 
Seriously though, I wouldn't take all the blame yourself. Maybe you're not the only one blowing things up. Maybe "blowing things up" could be a reaction to a pre-existing condition. Example: Recently, I decided to no longer be absolutely committed to someone who was just not that into me so facilitated it.
I met you and you seem absolutely fabulous to me.  . Its hard to picture you being solely responsible for a blow-up when you seem so even-tempered, in other words, cool.
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Awwwww, lol - thanks!! hmmmm, i don't know... i guess you could very well be right, that the circumstances are predisposing me to start making bombs. I think you are right in that it is a fine line between accepting responsibility, blaming others or always blaming yourself. I tend to pin all the blame on myself frequently... Probably the only way i'm a perfectionist if you've seen my house... lol.
I CAN be very even tempered, but i CAN also be VERY volatile. I surprises even me at times... temptestuous also being another great word to describe me at times... intense indeed, intricate yep! I confuse myself, no wonder i haven't really met anyone yet who completely gets me....
Honestly i used to be very, very hot tempered, i've worked hard to calm myself, i guess i've made progress because most people i meet these days say exactly what you do. They can't imagine me losing it...
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Posted: 7/5/2008 6:38:27 PM
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intricate
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On 7/5/2008 4:51:01 PM, jessicarabbit- wrote:
Sooo often true. I think my problem is that I don't present enough of a challenge 'cause I'm too easy going in my relationships with men and they lose interest. I'm not into the power thing, which is surprising for someone like me.
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hmmmm, perhaps. Or maybe you don't let enough of you shine through. Have an opinion, get annoyed occasionally, it's not always about power, but personality and fire. I think you are so easy going, because you are afraid to rock the boat sometimes, you are careful. Maybe it would be worth trying throwing caution to the wind??
you are great by the way, you don't give yourself enough credit. I think you are still in the process of finding yourself and holding onto who you are when you are with someone else, many of us are still in that process, trust me. when you get more solid with that i think you will find that you aren't perhaps quite so easy going ... i could be wrong though...
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Posted: 7/5/2008 6:43:33 PM
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mark8999
Edmonton
relax, ok?
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ppl that care about you don't care if you rock the boat. SOmetimes rocking the boat is just you being honest and being yourself.
Those ppl who have issues with you being yourself aren't worth your time.
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Posted: 7/5/2008 8:15:40 PM
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jessicarab...
Vancouver
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Perhaps.....afterall I was living vicariously through Nyla when she gave that 2-timing F buddy a knuckle sandwich, lol.
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Posted: 7/5/2008 8:19:20 PM
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