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Deleted User
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On 4/29/2008 3:48:31 PM, sweetskittlez wrote:
HAHAHA..well see being a bitch might just work out for me!!~
Edmoonton? Oh dear god!
I would never leave BC!
How abouts YOU move back HERE.
lmao
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no..sorry i cant afford it right now
hahahaha look at us go
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Posted: 4/29/2008 3:49:33 PM
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sweetskitt...
Holland
<3 BBB <3
Posts : 17,914
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See...we are doing well..
BABY STEPS
now lets see if we can do it to other people..
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Posted: 4/29/2008 3:51:37 PM
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li sa
Windsor
Bun in Oven
Posts : 27,757
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On 4/29/2008 3:43:51 PM, sweetskittlez wrote:
I'am waiting for this natural progression of self assurance and maturity to hit me. I have changed alot in the past year...but there is so much to come with age that i cant wait for..lol.
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I noticed a big shift when I stopped feeling so apologetic and obliged to everything and everyone.
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Posted: 4/29/2008 3:52:20 PM
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duck e
Toronto
I'm back!
Posts : 427
Clubber
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Repeat after me........
N N N O O O O !
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Posted: 4/29/2008 4:21:02 PM
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jessicarab...
Vancouver
Realm of Experience
Posts : 4,390
Jet Set
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I've reflected on this very thing. I think it might help to ponder where this behavior comes from, without overdoing it of course.
I think when parents teach their children to be "polite" to the point that they are always to put others first, to keep secrets, to be seen and not heard, to consider themselves integrally bad or flawed.. these kinds of things can contribute to this learned behavior.
Aside from that, though, I think it is a matter of practice to say no. Admittedly, I still have trouble displeasing people even if it displeases myself because it feels awkward. But you are still young and I would advise you start learning to be assertive now to save yourself a lot of trouble. (I have noticed that some people who try to learn to be assertive can go to extremes and I wouldn't advise that, though.)
Besides you can really do a lot more for people if you're not totally spent, especially on people who seem to be experts at seeing "being nice" as a weakness and using it to their advantage.
Also, I recall another thread in which it sounded like you were trying to do it all. Sometimes people are hard on us; but sometimes we can be especially hard of ourselves.
Even if you say "no" you're still just as nice as a person.....you really are  , but you don't need me to tell you that now do you 
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Posted: 4/29/2008 9:46:04 PM
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Deleted User
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im afraid ive also got this illness
do so much - feel guilty if u dont and then resent it
it sucks- but i wouldnt change it
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Posted: 4/29/2008 10:06:50 PM
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sweetskitt...
Holland
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On 4/29/2008 9:46:04 PM, jessicarabbit- wrote:
I've reflected on this very thing. I think it might help to ponder where this behavior comes from, without overdoing it of course.
I think when parents teach their children to be "polite" to the point that they are always to put others first, to keep secrets, to be seen and not heard, to consider themselves integrally bad or flawed.. these kinds of things can contribute to this learned behavior.
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I agree with you...i was always brought up very strict with a seen not heard attitude..
i was "polite" and always learned to put others first..
which as pheobe says isnt always a bad thing..but it can also be bad
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Posted: 4/30/2008 7:20:55 AM
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tripple b
Toronto
<3 Alisha <3
Posts : 28,996
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On 4/29/2008 3:26:07 PM, sweetskittlez wrote:
it is difficult...becasue i do it not to enrage people..
i like just being easygoing and not high maintenance..
at the same time i get used it seems..
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You have to realize that you CAN'T always make everyone happy.
If you say no, and people continue to try to change your mind, then maybe try explaining to them how you feel.
Say "i'm sorry I can't come out with you tonight, I wish I could, but I just can't afford it this week. Please understand that and respect my decision"
Then maybe tell them if they would still like to hang out, but suggest something that doesn't cost $$
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Posted: 4/30/2008 7:29:25 AM
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Deleted User
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As you get older, get married, have kids, shuttle between job requirements, soccer practice, dance lessons, and oh, btw, that spouse person sharing your bed, you learn the hard cold rule of "nope, can't do it" pretty quick.
Better to learn sooner than later.
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Posted: 4/30/2008 7:29:46 AM
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shannon-m
Calgary
lethal
Posts : 1,409
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I'm the same way at times...my boyfriend tells me to stop being a pushover, but he's usually the one pursuading me into doing things...
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Posted: 4/30/2008 7:38:04 AM
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speed
Los Angeles
Brit=Betterthanspeed
Posts : 15,520
Moderator
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On 4/29/2008 3:22:29 PM, sweetskittlez wrote:
This relates to the hijack i did on Lisa's thread.
Only positive input THANKS!
haha
Anyways i feel like i'm a pushover..like i enable people to treat me poorly becasue i always say yes or am so easily swayed.
At this point i do get annoyed and angry with it if it happens but..it always happens again.
For example..if someone asks me to come out on a Friday night and i have no money etc.
With very little prodding i can be swayed to go...becasue i get guilt tripped.
How do i stop this insanity?
I know i need to learn to say no..but it is much deeper than that..
i can say no..but i cant stick to it..
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I am not going to teach you how to say "no" to a scenario where you are going to have a good time instead of staying home simply because you don't have any cash. You are just going to have to think of a different hypothetical
...maybe like someone being able to guilt trip you into listening to a Missy Elliot album and eating Dominoes pizza. Nobody should have to live like that.
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Posted: 4/30/2008 8:49:50 AM
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sweetskitt...
Holland
<3 BBB <3
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hahah going out was an example..
it happens for everything.
tv shows, songs, front seat of a car..ANYTHING
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Posted: 4/30/2008 9:34:21 AM
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tripple b
Toronto
<3 Alisha <3
Posts : 28,996
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On 4/30/2008 9:34:21 AM, sweetskittlez wrote:
hahah going out was an example..
it happens for everything.
tv shows, songs, front seat of a car..ANYTHING
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Stand your ground mama!
Just keep repeating in your head.. NO MEANS NO, NO MEANS NO.
Hell tell the person trying to change your mind that lol.
Once you do it 1 time, it will be easier the next time and the next time and so on.
Soon people will learn that you won't bend for them any more and it won't be a problem any more.
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Posted: 4/30/2008 9:37:17 AM
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Shopping Cart
HOW TO NOT BE A PUSHOVER
hahaha
haha
