i like ultimate fighting. i like glam rock, punk rock and disco. i get all excited when somebody else throws a good party and i can just go to it and get wasted without dj'ing. i like to be around people who aren't douchebags. i'm from new jersey originally (like morgan geist--yeah you heard me) which should explain the ultimate fighting stuff and the use of the word "douchebag". i've lived in new york city since the late 80's when i was still a teenager and most of you were popping screaming out of your mothers' loins. i was in a new wave band called the mystery meats when it wasn't "retro" because new wave was new, and named thusly because of that fact. i played a red bc rich guitar that i borrowed and a blonde fender 60's musicmaster that i stole, and there lies the internal conflict that has dominated my life: awesome and horrible red, angular bc rich guitar or subtle and possibly boring 60's minimal base-level guitar. i am married to a woman who is way too good-looking and decent to marry me, but due to a long period of hypnosis, low-level drugging and sleep deprivation, eventually capitulated. we have a dog that is similarly too good for me. seriously. the dog is hot. the dog is basically a model. well, more of a pageant girl--but you know what i mean. she could be a model, but she's pretty backward and country about fashion... she's into prom dresses and, like, overdone base makeup and fake nails. but she lives in new york now, and she's changing a little over time, which i think is liberating for her--the dog, i mean--but i hope she doesn't change too much and do that annoying new-york-girl thing where they all try to be edie sedgewick or something--"ooh look at me! i'm crazy! i can't be contained!" it's an act played by people who don't know anyone who's actually schizophrenic. knowing real crazy people takes some of the "glamour" out of it for you, you know? like: what's glamorous about soiling yourself? oh crap. am i supposed to be writing about me?

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